Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I attempted to get adventurous today. I attempted…the skinny jean

I have been a spectator in this whole skinny-pant frenzy for awhile. I've mocked it. I've secretly been jealouos of it. I've mocked it again. All while wear boot-legged pants, long sleeve cotton t-shirts and converse.

But I finally thought, "it’s time to update the wardrobe. And why not just attempt the skinny pant?"

So, this is how my conversation went with a very lovely sales associate at the mall today:

Him: Hello! Can I help you find something?
Me: Yes, I think I am finally ready to try a skinny pant
Him: Skinny, Ultra-Skinny, or Painted-On?
Me...blink blink....
Him: I can show you the differences.
Me: Painted-on? I don't want my clothes to look painted on. I want them to look like clothes ... that are separate from my body.
Him: Ok, do you know what size you’d be?
Me: No. I know what size I would wear in pants that are not super tight ... is it the same? I feel like this is all a new language for me.
Him (as he grabs two pair of pants and probably wonders how he got me as a customer instead of the two teeny tiny teenagers that walked in just after me): I think I know

....... off I go to the changing room .......

....... five minutes later .......

Him (through the dressing room door): How are the pants fitting?
Me (still trying to get the first leg over my ankle): uhh … interesting
Him: Do you need another size?
Me: I don’t know…are they supposed to be stuck prior to even getting to my knee?
Him: They can be difficult to pull up from time to time. But they do stretch throughout the day
Me (wondering just how much they would stretch): Do these pants fit anyone?
Him (laughing, but trying to be polite): Do you want to try another style?
Me (wondering where these pants haven’t gone wrong on me – so I open the door to show him): I don’t know – are they supposed to look like this? This looks ridiculous to me. Why does my ass look so big?
Him ... silent ... probably wondering if these are rhetorical questions.
Me (still going off): I mean … why would a designer think that accentuating a woman’s butt this much would be a good thing? Seriously, my ass looks ginormous …this is horrible.
Him (trying to be helpful): Well, it’s the style to have a butt…look at Kim Kardashian
Me (wondering if him bringing up a celebrity with a large butt is good or bad)…umm…I’m no Kim Kardashian. So…perhaps making my butt look big is not a good thing.
Him: Do you want to see some sweaters?

I later came to find out (from a friend- Thanks Kathy!) that there are also things called "Jeggings"... translation: jeans meet leggings.


And the big marketing gig there is that they're skinny jeans that don't cut off circulation (due to material changes: more spandex I think). As if having clothes that don't hurt you is this new fabulous concept.

If promoting the fact that your product doesn't hurt people is "in" ... perhaps I should change my blog title to “GotFam.Blogspot - Not cutting off circulation, not inflicting bruises and certainly not giving you papercuts…since 2007!”

Note: No picture today - due to my unwillingness to show the internet my huge ass in skinny pants (because I did have my camera with me... and I did contimplate taking a picture).


Kelly said...

This is hilarious. I am dying. Did you really tell him that your ass looked ginormous?

I'm only 5 feet tall. Those jeans make me look like a clown.

Gotfam said...

Haa...yea - that poor sales associate. He so didn't expect me.
It's not you...the pants look clown-like on EVERYONE

Anonymous said...

OK! This was the funniest thing I have read in so long! I was laughing so hard...out loud! Been there...done that. Have both and LOVE my jeggings! Thank you to the woman who most likely created this pant. Clearly the man who created the skinny jean never tried to pull them on over is ankle. Then again, men have no legs, or butt!