Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Toddler Hearing Tests

Carter - hiding in his playhouse after a long day

I brought Carter to have his hearing tested last Thursday. After the whole, “is he having a hard time hearing or could he have a more serious issue” ... issue … I rushed him into a hearing test as fast as I could.

Here is the breakdown of how a hearing test goes for a toddler. They bring the toddler and his/her adult into a small dark, ridiculously warm and creepy chamber. And then they close the door - an oversized steel door. How this is necessary …I don’t know. But it really felt like a scene from the movie Saw was about to take place.

Then it gets weirder. A noise comes through a speaker on either side of the room … if the child looks at it … a strange pink elephant bangs on cymbals and a red light shines up into the elephants face. I guess this is the best, most un-creepy test that the hearing specialists could come up with. Because holding a shot gun up to their head and screaming, “can you hear me now,” not scary enough? And after this part of the test is done - they attempt to put little probes in the childs ears - as if any child (any age) would allow this.
I mean…why not scare the crap out of defenseless little toddlers … and then when you can’t get a conclusive test result … then say crap like “well, since he didn’t fully cooperate with the testing – it’s hard to give conclusive results.” Leaving me to want to respond, “well, since you don’t fully cooperate with the laws of common sense … you’re not getting your effing test results and you can bite me if you think I’m putting my kid through another one of your scare tactics.”

But I fake smiled and thanked them for their time while I rushed my screaming child out of their office (never to return).
  • Hearing test results = no obvious hearing issues.
  • Dr’s response to test results = perhaps he has had so many ear infections that he has just had a heard time learning to talk (due to the fluid in his ears making sounds more muffled).
  • My response to everyone else’s responses = He can talk when he wants to (and he can have as many cheddar bunnies as he wants for having put up with all of these tests).

No comments: