Sunday, December 6, 2009

Note to husbands that would like their wives to get pregnant:

If you think your wife is crazy now…just wait. A pregnant wife is like living with a psychopath…a hungry hungry psychopath.

In our defense…we (I’m speaking for all pregnant women right now) can’t help it. We’re pregnant. We have literally lost our minds.

So, before you decide that it would be great fun to get pregnant…mentally prepare yourself. Because you will have to deal with breakdowns, random ups and downs, weight gain, south moving boobs, hair and skin changes, more breakdowns (over nothing), tears, extra help around the house, a ton of support, you name it….and that pregnant wife of yours will throw it at you.

But before you go feeling all bad for yourself for having to deal with a psychopath…just put yourself in your psychopath’s shoes. Because YOU don’t have to deal with extreme weight gain, uncontrollable mood swings, new insecurities, more mood swings, stomach, back, and all other body part pains, pooping problems, more pooping problems, ugly hair, cramping during the night, peeing CONSTANTLY, eating weird shit that you would normally never eat…the list goes on and on.

So…my point is…if you want your wife to get pregnant…prepare yourself. And then deal with what she throws at you. Because she can’t help how crazy she is. You on the other hand…can help how extra nice you are and if you play your cards right…she won’t pour ranch dressing and pickle juice on you in your sleep and eat you for a midnight snack.

Note: Nice husbands vacuum while watching the child.

Another note: Nice husbands change poopy diapers no questions asked.

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