Friday, May 29, 2009

Who is that man standing in my kitchen?

I snapped this picture with my cell phone earlier today. But I really just stopped to look at it now (that he's asleep). When did my little baby become a little man?

Sometimes mommies just can’t react appropriately

Dear Carter,

Mommy loves you. Very much. But there will be times when mommy just can’t bring herself to react appropriately to whatever it is that you just did.

A good example of this is from today - when you had a poo-splosion in the bathtub … and I turned around and dry heaved for almost 5 minutes straight…that wasn’t the most appropriate, loving or warm reaction.

But mommies are people too.

Still obsessing about my kids poop and boogies

Had someone told me years ago that when my child gets sick I would obsess about his bodily functions, I never would have believed them. I would have assumed that I would be the mom that just cleaned up whatever came out of my kid – and went on with my day. This just isn’t me though.

I find myself obsessing about the color, consistency and frequency of Carter’s poop and boogies. How else will I know if he needs more to drink, something else to eat, more vicks at night?

Being a mom has so many perks. This may be one of them. You find out that you have become a detective…and your clues are in the details.

You may notice that there is no picture with this post. I’m guessing that you’re feeling relieved given the title.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Mommy needs some meds

Now I’m sick too. I have lost all of my ability to be witty or creative. Now I’m bound to say stupid crap like “cutie patootie” when referring to Carter. I'm sorry blog readers - sick mommy is boring blog mommy.

Hopefully I’ll be better by the weekend though. I start a mommy and me workout class with Carter tomorrow…so that is either going to set me over the sick edge and make me want to take a bath in Vicks Vapo rub…or it could make me feel better and I’ll be back to being witty and fun again.

Carter, however, has started to feel a lot better. His fever is gone and he is full of energy again. In fact – it’s almost as if he took a long hard look at all of the things he fully planned to get into when he was sick and made mental notes so that he could make up for lost time once he felt better.

He's back at the stairs - determined to get up them the second I turn around.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

If you’re going to Babys R Us…don’t you just expect to hear a baby yelling or crying at some point throughout the store?

I was getting Carter out of the car at Babys R Us today and this overly anxious fake blonde (haa...who am I to judge) in her little silver jetta came flying into the parking lot. And then almost pulled into me...standing next to my car with the door open.

Now…most people would have:
A.) looked into a parking spot before pulling in
B.) just backed out and picked one of the other 50 equally as close parking spots

This woman was not most people. She stopped her devil car and waited….half in and half out of the parking spot for me to hurry to get Carter out of his car seat…while impatiently glaring at me. As if I was a huge inconvenience to her for having been born, and then having had a kid…that required a car seat and me taking time to get him out of said car seat.

So, I get Carter out of his seat and start to walk into Babys R Us…and she pulls in, practically runs into the store, prints her baby registry and starts her mad hunt through this weird, obviously foreign store.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Prior to having kids…I thought Babys R Us was a very weird place and I did my best to only venture in when forced to by someone’s baby shower registry. And even then…I was pretty uncomfortable seeing things called “breast pumps” and “wee wee blockers” and “nasal aspirators.” That being said – I didn’t glare at people who had kids…nor did I talk loudly on my cell phone about how annoying the kids were. In my head, that would sort of be like me going to a zoo and being highly agitated by the fact that this weird location had animals everywhere.

As I checked out – she somehow ended up right behind me. And Carter kept staring at her. And as if on cue – when her cell phone rang again…and she tried to answer – Carter looked up at her and started yelling at the top of his lungs… “AHHHHHHHHH- DADA AHHHHHHHH DA AHHHHHHHHHH” and she had to get off her phone. I looked at her, then Carter and loudly said, “Good boy buddy – you’re a very good boy” and happily checked out. TAKE THAT VILE WOMAN

I’m too sexy for my onesie

Poor little carter’s snotty nose just can’t be controlled. It drips and drips. There will be no picking up of the ladies this week for him. Maybe he’ll be back on his game next week.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Carter can walk (holding onto something), climb stairs (with carpet), drink jameson on the rocks (ok not this one), and squirt poo across the room

Our poor little man has a cold. And a bad one. It sort of appeared out of the blue yesterday. His little nose is constantly running, he coughs all of the time, and he has many other (very unpleasant) cold symptoms.

So we’re staying in some this week to get better. I have him all lathered up with baby vicks and I’m letting him stay in PJ’s all day long. I’d make him chicken soup if he’d eat it – but much like his mommy and daddy – he has been leaning towards comfort foods when he’s sick. Meaning, anything with cheese - specifically his squishy mac and cheese, veggie rosoto with cheese, anything with cheese.

I have always said that Chad would eat the dog if she had ranch dressing on her…well, it appears that Carter is that way – but with cheese. We all have our weaknesses…who’s to say what I wouldn’t do for chocolate cake.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The nursery project

I have been working on changing some things in Carter's nursery. One wall will soon have a new mural (if i can make it work). All inspired by this cute little stuffed birdy.

More posts to come on this later.

Things dad teaches him

I'm so proud of the lessons that Chad is teaching Carter.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

If i tunes were schizophrenic

I have posted before about how I am addicted to itunes. I have playlists for everything. At the moment I am listening to my “cleaning” playlist … in hopes that just playing it will somehow motivate the act that it is referring to. Although – my playlists never accomplish what they’re suppose to make me want to do – I don’t like being told what to do by itunes – maybe it’s my problem with authority. Perhaps a simple psychology trick will work…I could try to trick myself by naming them things like “eating nachos” or “NOT cleaning.”

There is really only one thing in common throughout all of my playlists. None of them have a format. I can try and try to categorize all “classic rock” into one playlists…but ‘Bust A Move’ always sneaks in somehow. Maybe I’m not a follow-a-format kinda girl.

I know there are states in the U.S. that allow radio stations to be format free….and I guess I should find one of those states to live in. Maybe then I would listen to the radio.

Some of the songs from the “Cleaning” playlist are:

Out of Range – Ani Difranco
Why Don’t We Do It In The Road – The Beatles
Army of Me – Bjork
You Might Think – The Cars
The Walk – The Cure
I’m a Thug – Trick Daddy
Blue Monday – New Order
Cannonball – Damien Rice
Mushaboom - Feist
Freedom – George Michael
Get Out the Map – Indigo Girls
Minority Report – Jay Z
Instant Karma – John Lennon
Somebody told me – The Killers
Human Nature – Madonna
Got to Give it Up – Marvin Gaye
Beat It – Michael Jackson
Set it Out – Nappy Roots
Walk this Way – Run DMC
Birdhouse in your Soul – They Might Be Giants
Free Fallin’ – Tom Petty
Concertina – Tori Amos

And no playlist is complete without - Bust a Move

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It’s time for a helmet

We have baby proofed, I have a constant watch on him, we are so careful about everything – yet he keeps falling. And he keeps hitting the exact same spot on his head.

His poor, cute little forehead.

You can see the bumps on his forehead in almost every picture. What more can we do outside of buying a helmet?

I realize that putting a helmet on him, bubble wrapping him, slathering up everything he touches with baby anti-bacterial wipes, etc etc etc will only make him more wimpy in some people’s opinions. What I have to say to that is…shut it.

I also realize that some people will say that getting bumps is “boys being boys”…what I have to say to that is … S H U T I T

You see where I am going with this

Blogging shirt

Is it wrong of me to buy this? I really want to.

He took a step ... he took a freaking step

While cleaning this afternoon, I had Carter in his playpen watching a baby Einstein dvd - and I walked in to find him standing in the playpen - without holding the sides for balance.

Naturally I screamed, "OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SUCH A BIG BOY!" And he took a step towards the side of the playpen where I was standing (and then fell).

I, of course, teared up.

Then he sat in his playpen smirking at me. I wonder if he was thinking, "Now that I am mobile...I fully plan to destroy those fugly red vases in the dining room...what was that vile woman thinking with those?"

Monday, May 18, 2009


Carter has been making his bulldog face more and more lately.

When playing – the bulldog face is typically followed up by a long yell “ahhhhhh” and then “A DA DA”

When eating – the bulldog face is followed up by spitting whatever was just put into his mouth – back out of his mouth – and directly onto whomever is feeding him

When nappy – the bulldog face is followed by a long pitiful and dramatic cry

On Pregnancy

I was talking to some friends about pregnancy the other night, and it comes up that one of my friends and I were the only women ever to walk the face of the earth that didn’t think pregnancy was the next best thing since sliced bread. Here is what I have to say about that.

Other women lie. Liars liars … pants on…

They lie. Who knows why, but if I had to guess – it would be because everyone expects women to be so elated that they’re pregnant that they love every little pregnancy occurrence. It’s like someone wrote somewhere that you’re not allowed to be annoyed with your pregnancy or it makes you this horrible mother-to-be and miracle-of-life hater.

This isn’t the case. This is just a case of people being idealist and annoyingly judgmental. I was very excited to be pregnant and LOVE being Carter’s mommy. However, I hated being pregnant. I’m not going to lie…go ahead – judge me.

Call me crazy, but throwing up for months, not being able to drink (alcohol), getting HUGE, not being able to poop normal, watching your once slender fingers and toes being mini jimmy deans, not being able to stay up past 9pm (read: 7), wanting to kill anyone in your path, having random food avoidance issues, having blood taken and tested every week, dilation checks, flatulence, more flatulence, hair falling out, skin breaking out …and then don’t start me on the process of giving birth…it’s not fun people.

Now is it worth it…YES. Is it fun…sometimes....but mostly - NO.

Don't get me wrong - there are wonderful and fun things about pregnancy as well. But when I look back at pregnancy - I am not going to lie to myself and say that it was like this wonderful fairy land where puppies bring you ice cream and you float around on clouds ... made of more ice cream.

So, the moral of the story is…honesty is the best policy.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Tell your people to tell his people

We went to Chad’s moms house today to celebrate Chad’s aunts 92nd birthday. We ate, we partied, we ate more, we celebrated - you know the drill.

Halfway through the evening we overheard Aunt Emily talking to Carter saying, “I hope you give your people as much trouble as I gave my people.”

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Flash Backs

So, last night I was having some seasonal flashbacks…and I wonder; Which memory is funnier:

A.) My brother asking my mother-in-law what Neal Diamond could be wearing if she was wearing her sweater for Christmas eve
B.) My face after realizing what happens to babies after you feed them prunes
C.) Carter being in a throw down at music class ... with a girl
D.) Brutus throwing up directly into the right shoe (from my favorite pair of shoes) – this was much funnier a day or two after…especially since I yelled at him for about 10 minutes when I found it – and then threatened to sell him on ebay for most of the day.
E.) Trad yelling at Michael for smacking him while cutting sushi…you had to be there…about ten minutes afterwards

I am not sure which was funnier…all of them were equally funny – but for much different reasons.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

It puts the poop in the litter box – or it gets the hose again

In case you have been wondering - here is a Brutus Crap Update:

Brutus is still pooping right next to his litter box. WHY? WHY Brutus - WHY? You are such a cute little kitty.
We have tried all of the recommendations from the vet:

- We have two litter boxes – one for pee pees and one for poopies (oh yea…I said it…I’m a mom … what do you expect?). I guess kitties can’t possibly fathom using the same space for two separate bodily functions. He’d never make it in the college dorms.
- We put tops on the litter boxes so he would have more privacy (although it’s not as if we stand behind the door and laugh and point at him while he is trying to crap).
- We shaved him (see lion cut post) in case his hair mat was making him uncomfortable.
- We spray his kitty bathroom area with calming kitty spray.
- We feed him away from his kitty bathroom area – because like most others I know…pounding down a burrito while…well you know…it’s just not right.
- We hug him, play with him, and pay plenty of attention to him (when Carter is sleeping) in case he feels ignored.

Well, we have tried it all...almost. All but one potential solution. Kitty drugs. So we are now willing to discuss the kitty drug option with our vet. The vet described it like this; kitty is stressed out and needs to calm down to solve his “litter box avoidance issues.”

I guess I can understand feeling some avoidance issues with unpleasant things like an argument with a friend, or going to the dentist ... but crapping?

I am quite sure there are easier (read: safer) ways to get an Indians baseball

Yesterday, while playing in his baby-proofed bedroom, Carter decided to try to run (with the help of his baby walker). He got going slowly, then started to trot…then booked it in a full out screaming-while-running sprint…directly towards the corner of the crib. I’m sure anyone reading this can tell where this is going.

After his walker hit the boppy pillow (that I have snugly wrapped around the bottom of the crib so he won’t hit his head against the wood) the walker toppled over causing Carter to utterly take flight. He superman-ed it directly into the corner of the crib … forehead first.

Here is the scene of the accident:

Here is Carter's head:

Needless to say, mommy called the doctor to make sure his head was ok and they told me that he was more than likely fine…but he needed to be kept on close watch – meaning hourly eye dilation checks, wake ups every 3 hours at night, etc.

This morning he’s fine. In fact, the swelling on his head has gone down and doesn’t so much look like he will sprout a unicorn horn anymore.

The most ironic part of the whole night actually came from an Indians game. Chad and I were supposed to go to the Indians game with friends. However, after Carter’s fall the doctor recommended that I stay close by in case he started to throw up and needed to go to the emergency room.

So Chad and his friend Donny went to the game…and sat in prime foul ball territory…where a ball flew at Donny’s head. Now…for those of you that do not know me well … I’ll just say this…my athletic ability is well…just not there. So, had a baseball flown at my head…I more than likely would have matched Carter this morning. Instead though, Donny caught it and saved it for Carter to make him feel better.

So today, Carter has a new Cleveland Indians baseball and his first big bump. He’s a real boy now Geppetto.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Move Shmove

I fully intended to (and even typed out) a blog entry about how our house sale fell through. But after cooling down some, I think I will just sum it all up like this; our house deal fell through and we will continue to live here …and the should-have-been buyers of our house should not expect a Christmas card from us.

That being said, when we were planning to move I started to realize that there are a lot of things about Lakewood that I would really miss when/if we moved. I could make a huge list in fact.

Don’t get me wrong there are bad things about Lakewood (as there are with any city) and after someone tried to break into our house last fall, I started to focus on the bad (way too much). Then, after we (thought we) sold our house I began to feel sentimental and realized that there are way more things that I love about Lakewood than there are things that I don’t.

One thing, Lakewood park. Lakewood has the most amazing park. It seems to go on forever.
There is a pool, a ton of playground toys for kids, tons and tons of grass to play in, a view of the city that is unbeatable, a great (butt busting) ramp to the boardwalk (it’s really brick…but it’s a walkway by the water…so I think that qualifies it as being called a boardwalk) and it has crazies to keep us people watchers entertained.
What more can you ask for from a city park? Ohh ... and it’s walking distance for those of us that are still trying to shed the baby weight.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Wang's 30

Happy birthday to you Jeff. I'm truly sorry for creating, wearing and posting embarassing (created) images of you for your 30th. BAAAHAAAA...Ok, I'm not.

I promised everyone that I would take photos of Chad, Carter and I in our matching "Wang's 30" shirts...and I completely forgot to. I could edit us all into a photo with a cool background...but I won't insult you that way Jeff. I will just ask that everyone uses their imaginations.

Here is the image that was on Chad's shirt: Here is the image that was on my shirtAnd here is the image that was on Carter's onesieHappy 30th Wang. You old man you...

p.s. if we made shirts to embarass you for your 30th...what could we possibly have up our sleeves for your 50th?

Beer I think

Sometimes when we watch the news at night…I notice that we have uniquely dumb conversations. Conversations that we would make fun of other people for having if they were on reality tv.

Chad: California is always on fire
Chad: isn’t it?
Me: I don’t think it’s always on fire
Chad: maybe not always…but 3-4 times a year
Me: 3-4 times a year
Chad: maybe 2-3
Me: where do you get your numbers?
Chad: it’s just on fire a lot
Me: define a lot
Chad: more than once a year
Me: more than once a year defines a lot?
Chad: for an out of control fire…yes
Chad: we had one in Cleveland and they named a beer after it! (referring to Great Lakes Brewing Company's Burning River Ale)
Me: that was when the river caught on fire…that was a very weird happening

.....5 seconds goes by.....

Chad: What were we talking about again?
Me: Beer I think

9 Month Dr. Visit

Carter had his 9 month Dr.’s appointment yesterday. He weighs almost 22 pounds and is well over 30 inches long. Thus, he is still in the 97th percentile for height and 70th for weight. The Dr. called him the “big kid in class.” Yup. That’s Carter – the big kid in class.

Other things we learned:
1.) We have to start to wean Carter off bottles – and start to use sippy cups more.
2.) Carter is still testing us when he whines at night. He is fine and plenty old enough to sleep through the night without waking up and needing us. He just wants us to rush in and rock him…and he may be secretly hoping that when we rush in and see him ... we realize just how much we really wanted to play with blocks and cars…so we’ll get them out of the toy basket and play play play all night long.
3.) He is close to walking
4.) He is close to clapping and waving

And finally #5.) Scheduling a Dr.’s appointment at naptime is one of the dumbest mistakes a parent can make.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Calling all opinions…

I am on the lookout for a good baby photographer. I used kiddie kandids for Carter’s 3 month photography and have regretted it ever since. They kept trying to pose my tiny angel into adult-ish - senior photo-ish crappy poses. He was 3 months old…don’t try to cross his little legs and prop up his head by his arm. I mean…come on

So, he will be turning 12 months old soon enough and I need photos. I want cool, artsy, photo journalistic style photos. Not cheesy crap (quite frankly..anyone that reads the blog frequently knows that I can do that - below are some of the cheesy ones I have taken (this week)...I can't help it...I am a mom...I take photos ALL THE TIME).

To warn you: I come from a long line of artsy, picky, perfectionist...just any photo isn't good enough. I need the best photos...and a photographer that can read my mind...and I don't think that is too much to ask for.

So…email me suggestions:

Who you callin' Naughty?

When I was little, my dad would sit in the hallway and read the “Mr. Books” while my brother and I pretended to brush our teeth. Every night he would sit there and read to us while we got ready for bed – and it’s something that we looked forward to all day long.

So naturally, I wanted to find the Mr. Books (and Mrs. Books) to read to Carter. Lucky for me, my mom saves everything – including the old Mr. and Mrs. Books.

The best part is - I find them even funnier and more entertaining now. I look forward to reading them and remembering the stories and I enjoy how they are now somewhat politically incorrect.

I love how much humor and political correctness has changed since I was little (I won’t start on how much it’s changed in even older books).

I have so many examples of this phenomenon. But this one by far is my favorite. You go with your bad self little Miss Naughty. After all, as that random orange arm says…you ARE a naughty girl.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Music Class Throw Down

A few weeks back, Carter was involved in a minor music class scuffle. It went down like this:

- The drum came out (this is a music class favorite)
- Mommy was slow in getting Carter up to his spot at the drum
- When we got to the drum, there was a very small opening left for Carter
- Carter slid in by his buddy Mason and a cute girl with curly red hair
- The curly red head wasn’t havin’ it
- She pushed Carter on the shoulder
- Carter glared at her in confusion and then pushed her back
- She pulled Carter’s hand off the drum
- Carter shoved her (I had to explain to Carter that this was very bad)
- She smacked Carter in the face (the other mom and I burst out into total laughter)
- Carter starts to cry and turns around for reassurance
- I hid the fact that I was crying/laughing at the baby throw down
- The other mommy has to remove the girl from the drum to tell her not to shove and smack other babies
- Carter is reassured and goes back to the drum…while glaring back at her every so often
- Meanwhile, Carter’s buddy Mason catches sight of what is going on…and keeps a watchful eye

I will try to keep Carter in neutral gang colors from now on.

Note: if you are wondering why the other babies look slightly blurry. It's because I blurred them. But not because I am one of those moms that is pushing other kids to the side. It's because I did not have any photography forms signed. And I realize that some people don't want to have their babies lives and photos plastered all across the internet.

My I Tunes Won’t open. I’m done. I cease to exist

Good GOD – My I TUNES IS BROKEN. How on earth am I supposed to make it through the day with any form of normalcy?

I have playlists for the morning time “wake up”, playlists for the afternoon, work-out playlists, “crawly time” playlists, you name it … and I probably have a designated playlist to help soundtrack it.

I don’t even know what to do with myself right now. Outside of repeatedly clicking on the itunes icon to see if maybe this time it will work.

The sound track of my life has stopped... I know this sounds dramatic. If I had a song to make you understand how dramatic this situation would be....OH MY GOD - I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WOULD BE!! I am so flustered I don't even know what I listen to. TELL ME WHAT I LISTEN TO COMPUTER.

Maybe I will have to turn the radio on... shudder

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Happy 9 Month Birthday (a day late)

In the last 9 months, you were born, you learned to coo, learned how to smile, laugh, roll over, sit up, crawl (sort of), say ‘dada’, stand up, eat solid food (sort of), turn old ladies into mush, manipulate mommy in any way you want, chase the doggy, play ball, play peak a boo, fake cry to get out of your crib, get mommy out of stores quickly, yell at the top of your lungs – while also laughing, escape from your stroller, walk (while holding something), and get daddy to sing baby songs.

You have learned how to go from innocent, sweet, smiley, angel baby to fire-spitting devil child in less than 6 seconds and you’re not afraid to use this to get what you feel that you need. And I say – I hope that you always keep that side of you. There will be times in your life that you need a side-a-crazy. You will meet people in your life that will tell you that you shouldn’t try for the world…and I say – don’t listen to them. Darwinism should have eliminated those people – and you come from a long line of soap-box-standin’ idealist…so you just go for whatever it is that you want…and know that mommy and daddy have your back.

You have done more in 9 months than anyone I know. You are quite an amazing little man…and mommy and daddy love you so much.

Happy 9 month birthday!

I'll be in the garden, eating worms...

To answer the burning question (that I keep hearing)… Yes. Yes, Chad still wants 5 kids after having Carter while I was in Florida.

When I arrived home from the airport, I somewhat expected (and selfishly hoped for) a little chaos in the house. Nope. The house was clean, in order, Carter was sleeping away happily, and the dog and cat were still alive. It was strangely perfect here…just without mommy.

I’m just going to go ahead and admit that I was somewhat disappointed. I was hoping to come home and see that the house nearly fell apart without me here. Maybe the cops had to come a few times when Carter woke up the neighbors, the fire department had to get lion…cough kitty out of a tree, perhaps the washing machine may have flooded the basement.

Nothing happened like that. NOTHING.

In fact, there were fresh flowers on the table and Carter’s laundry was done.

It's like…NOBODY NEEDS ME. I have to go wake Carter up now so he will cry and I will feel needed.

Note: I realize I promised a riveting post on the blog yesterday. I lied.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Guess Who's Back...Back again

I'm home. Safe and swine-flu free (not that Florida should be of any particular concern....oh yea tourist in face masks...i'm TALKING TO YOU).
After being bumped off a plane, melting down about my son waking up without me there, being assigned a seat, running through Chicago's airport to catch my connecting flight (really us you have to put connecting flights on opposite sides of the airport?), and then being stuck next to a "talker" that brought a ton of flowers (leading me to sneezing the whole ride...and the face-maskers watching me intently so that I don't infect them with my weird sneezing disease)...I'm tired.

So I will post something of substance tomorrow. I promise.