Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The time has come... is officially time.

For my new site to launch. And also for you to update your bookmarks (please do this...please...pretty pretty please).

The new site is located at:

yup...I'm a dot com now...yay me!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Potty training the literal toddler

You may be happy to find out that I am not going to talk about poop on my blog today (ok…well, I promise to keep the poop talk to a minimum). I am however going to talk about the potty…quite a lot in fact.You see, Carter is very literal. Very very literal. And I am not. I tend to be very sarcastic and often don’t realize that I have to break concepts down for him.

And so you can imagine how potty training could be a little confusing for a very literal toddler. We jump up and down and cheer when he sits on the potty…and get even more excited and do little dances when he puts his poop (sorry) and pee in the potty. And I often find myself saying, “This is where we put our poopies (sorry again) and pee pees.” So of course, somewhere along the line – the potty became a place to put things…that (in turn) makes mommy dance like a crazy woman.

Do you see where this post is going? If so, feel free to tell me what an idiot I am for not having seen this coming. If not, shut it.

Well, this morning I was bathing Carter and heard Chad scurrying (I bet he’ll like that I used that word to describe his mad dashes through the house) around. He ran up the stairs and swore a lot. Then ran back down them swearing even more. Naturally, I thought something was happening in the sports world…and he needed the ipad to change stats on his fantasy football game.

I was so wrong.

Here, he had used our upstairs bathroom and then gone downstairs to make coffee for me (insert “what a wonderful husband” comment here – for making me coffee…not using the bathroom). And at some point had noticed water dripping in our family room. A lot of water. Dripping from the ceiling beams, through the drywall, etc. And being that he’s the level headed one in the family – he searched for the source (I would have found the nearest corner and crawled into it, laid in the fetal position and rocked back and forth until he found me).

Turns out – our upstairs toilet had overfilled (by A LOT) and flooded our bathroom, flooded down through the ceiling and into our family room.

Why you ask (or…maybe you’re all “WOW..That had to have been quite a crap”)?

As it turns out – the nice plumber that rushed out to our house (on a Sunday) said that he thinks a toy may have been crammed into the potty and flushed down – causing a major backup. Picture (taken from my phone) below:

Perhaps I need to be more specific about what we put in the potty…and what we don’t put in the potty.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Carter's hair

I didn't know how to explain Carter's hair... so I drew you a purty picture...enjoy:

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Maclaren Post 4: Review Wrap Up

I am sad to report that this is our final review post on Maclaren (unless they would like us to review more...I say with a big smile, nod and wink):

The kids have had such a great time reviewing these products (as have I...and Chad...and my parents....and some of our friends).

In fact, our friend Chris came over the other day and Carter ran to get his Maclaren Arctic puzzle to show him (I think Carter is proud that he can finally put all of the pieces together correctly... which in all honesty - can be hard (heck, it takes me a few tries)).(or maybe it's because the blue whale (bet you can't locate that in the picture below) matched his button-up perfectly), and then Carter made the animals line up in train-format. I know you're shocked. After that, madness ensued.

(I promised I bought him pants that fit after this)

Avery munched on her toys more (and her feet, her hands, my shirt, the corner of the couch, my hair, a passing cat (just kidding peta) and every other object she could get ahold of).
And, of course, I blogged about it. The funny part was that when I told Carter that I was blogging about the Maclaren toys, he made another train with the critters by my computer... and then lined them up to "watch mommy bog." I wonder if the animals find my blog as riveting as the other 4 people that read it...maybe they will follow me on twitter.

If they were to mention this post on twitter...what would their hashtags be?

Here's my guess:

Hmm, somehow I got off topic. Anyways, we have had a fabulous time reviewing all three of these Maclaren products.

1.) The Arctic Puzzle:

Photo From the Maclaren Facebook page (which you can "like" on Facebook by the way)

2.) Plush Stroller Toys (with bunny, balloon and octopus):

3.) Plush Stroller Toys (with plane, race car and sailboat):

Chic design + practical everyday use + fun and entertaining for kids...I guess you could say, I’m a Maclaren fan for life.

Disclaimer: Maclaren sent these toys to us to review - but did not compensate us in any other way and of course did not ask me to say happy, shiny things about them. All opinions are very much my own.

Monday, January 17, 2011

To sum up the day so far

Disclaimer: I know I said I would not talk about poop as much this year. But... some rules are just meant to be broken. Carter could attest to this.

You know something isn’t right when you wake up with a killer migraine. Is this the universes way of telling me to get a sitter and go drinking for the day? Did I say that out loud? Because, the weird thing is, I’m just not one to get migraines (I can honestly count on one hand how many I have had in my life (and I mean actual migraines...not just really bad hangovers that I tried to pass off as medical conditions)). And since hiding under the covers all day in the fetal position isn’t an option (although I totally did this for an hour while I made Chad wrangle the kids and get them breakfast)...I had to get up.

And it began:

Carter was on a rampage from a renewal of energy after having been sick. He tried to fly (down the stairs on his belly), he tried to “bump the dog” repeatedly (whatever that is), he tried to break anything breakable, throw anything throwable, beat anything not moving (and some things moving...sorry kitty), he smeared his own spit across the window, he screamed (mostly the word “NO” when I tried to bring up any fun activity we could do that didn’t include destruction). He was just... unstoppable.

So you can imagine my excitement when I saw nap time slowly approaching. I know this makes me sound like a monster. But before you judge me...ask yourself this...ok no...just go ahead and judge me. In fact, leave me a nasty comment about how much I suck... it’ll be the cherry on top of this shit-tastic day.

Anywho, halfway through lunch (also known as: the-mommy-refuses-to-make-mac-and-cheese-fight) I start to smell something, and it’s coming from the general direction of Avery’s diaper. This can’t be good. She’s my rose-smelling child.

Upstairs we all go. Avery, cooing happily away (I mean, after that disaster in her diaper...of course she felt better), Carter screaming “no upstairs...I fly down stairs” and me...wishing it were last night again and I were laughing at all of the shoulder-pad abuse by hollywood's female stars at the golden globes.

I’ll skip through all of the gruesome details of the diaper explosion and just say... Avery needed a bath. And heaven forbid Carter play quietly in his bedroom while Avery had a bath....nope...Captain trouble had to be in the bathroom with us...and insisted that he too get a bath.

Now, If you’re wondering how the logistics of two kids in the bath at the same time (but not in the bath tub together) works, it’s like this:

I put Avery in her inflatable ducky tub on the bathroom floor and Carter in the bathtub and pop a squat on the bathroom floor between the two tubs. I’m a magical multi-tasker (seriously, if I can carry a carseat, hold a toddlers hand and hold the spastic dog’s leash into Petco for the spastic dog’s grooming appointment...I can for sure handle a dual bath). Hear that potential future employers? Magical Multi-tasker.

If you think you have the picture pretty well formed in your head...just remember to add the fact that I am smiling more and more as nap time inches closer. I need them to both nap today. I need this. Need it.

And just as the smile reaches it’s point of almost-bliss....I hear farting noises and the following conversation takes place:

Me: Carter, what was that noise?

Carter: I fart

Me: you need to sit on the potty?

Carter (after more air bubbles and noises): No, I pooped mommy


Carter (now holding his own feces in his hand): I pooped...see...poopy!

I could go into how I had to now run him to the shower to clean him off, disinfect the bathtub, how he peed down the side of me on the way back from the shower and then also on his blanket ...but I won’t.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Sometimes I'm Dumb. Other times I'm super dumb

This picture is unrelated to this post in every way except that it accurately displays just how dorky I was (read: am).
This picture was taken during the height of my dorkiness (although this is arguable),
when I was in the marching band. Plus I didn't have a picture of the following event.

A few years ago, a coworker and I went into a Chipotle (no, this is not the start of a “walked into a bar” style joke - it’s merely a quick and very pointless “I’m super dumb” story).

A little background: I hate cold weather. Correction, I hate being cold. Anyways, I was wearing a powder blue turtleneck sweater (it was the early 2000’s... don’t judge me), a long (almost floor length) tight skirt (again see note about the year), and knee-high boots with heels (I still wear these...and they're back in style now - yay me).

And a man (who was clearly on a date ... maybe even first date (I am guessing due to the awkwardness between he and his date)) looked at me and said, “excuse me, that is an interesting outfit of no skin showing what-so-ever” and then giggled uncontrollably by himself for about 3 minutes while (his date and) I blankly stared at him.

And my reaction (I know you’re hoping was witty, funny or at least rude)... nope... I smiled really big and said, “thanks” and thought, "what a nice man..."

Did your head just drop... and shake back and forth repeatedly?

The thing is, in my head ... he was thinking “I bet she’s warm.” And I was.

It wasn’t until the car ride back to work that my coworker clued me in that he was being sarcastic.

If you’re wondering why this story just popped into my head... it’s because I was thinking “I could go for a good turtle neck sweater today” when I got up. I love me some warm clothes.

Monday, January 10, 2011

She's come undone (almost)

Perhaps my children have banned together to see how quickly I can unravel.

A little recap of last night:

9pm - I go to bed early. Headache

11pm - Avery up - needs a binky

12:30am - Avery up - needs a bottle

1am - Everyone is asleep....ahhh

2am - Carter is up screaming “Mommy!!! Mommy I pooped! Mommy come clean my butt!”

2:10am - Still yelling...I should go in. He had better not be faking it to get me in there

2:11am - I realize he’s faking it. He just wants to tell me about his day at Disney on Ice

2:15am - He’s back in his bed and seems calm enough that I can go back to bed.

2:30am - He’s screaming and crying again. And now it’s starting to wake up Avery (but not Chad)

2:45am - I give Chad Avery’s monitor and head for Carter’s room...not sure how this will work out...

3am - I find myself convinced into sleeping on the floor in Carter’s room. About 10% of my body fits on his “Cars” sleeping bag and I am curled in a ball under his fireman blanket.

The following conversation ensues:

Carter: Mommy in Carter’s room

Me: Yup - now go to bed. Ok buddy?

Carter: Mommy, you on my cars blankie

Me: Uh huh

Carter: Mommy, my butt hurts. Want mommy to change me

Me: Carter, you’re clean - remember....we just checked

Carter: Butt hurts. Kiss my butt. Put ice on my butt

Me: Carter - your butt is fine. Just go to bed

Carter: Mommy, I have boogies

Me: Go to bed

a few minutes go by

Carter: My boogies hurt. Kiss my boogies.

...........breaks into laughter........................

Me: Not funny. Go to bed

Carter: Done napping Mommy, go downstairs maybe?

Me: No

Carter: Watch mickey on tv maybe?

Me: No

some time passes....ahh...silence

Carter: Saw a famboni today mommy

Me: I know buddy - we talked about the zamboni at dinner. Go to bed

Carter: Rode on a train today mommy realizing that responding is egging him on.....silence from my end

Carter: Train mommy....train....train mommy. TRRRRR....AIIIINNNN mommy


Carter: Boogie. FAM BONE EE. Train. BOOOOOOOgie

more time...more me hope that he's asleep

Carter (now climbing out of bed to lay next to me on the floor): I lay by mommy

Carter: Mommy, you napping?

Me: Carter, mommy is sleeping...go to bed

Carter (now trying to pull my eye lids open): Hi Mommy. HIIII

Me (checking the clock and seeing that it’s now 3:30am - am now feeling desperate): you want a timeout?

Carter: Yes timeout....timeout downstairs...then watch front end loaders on tv maybe?

Me (realizing that he’s utilizing a timeout to get downstairs): sigh

Carter: What’s that smell?

Me: I don’t know...go to bed

Carter: I FARRRRRRT. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart fart fart fart. Ahh haaaa haaaa

Me: Seriously...go to bed or you’ll get in trouble

Carter: Sorry mommy....

This went on until just after 4am. And then he woke up at 6am.